Potty Training Problems

Question
My youngest boy is 8 years old. He has never been fully potty trained. We didn't start potty training until he was almost 3 years old and he was going to daycare. He is now in 2nd grade and seems to be able to hold himself until he is out of school. We have been to the doctors a number of times and the psychologist twice. We have tried everything. Rewards, discipline, not making a big deal out of it, making a big deal out of it. We are at our wits end. The last advice we got was to make it "his" problem. He now has to clean himself and his underwear when he has a accident. This is not a fun process for him. He gets very upset with himself but says he can't control it and that when it happens it happens too fast for him to get to the bathroom. I am not sure if this is the problem or not. The doctor tells me that it is a control problem and that when he is ready he will go on the potty. Well I don't agree with this and I don't want him to get teased from his friends. He can't even go to sleep overs because of fear of having a accident. So my question to you is do you think hypnosis is something that might help my son. At this point we are willing to try anything to help him with this problem. Thank you for your time, any advice or assistance you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Answer
realize how frustrating this problem must be for you, but it may be helpful to be aware that boys at your child's age are often having trouble with staying dry. It isn't uncommon for a boy to be 11 or 12 before he becomes dry. This seems to be due to the time it takes for the bladder to increase adequately in size to handle the flow. Even with this fact, hypnosis can be very helpful because it can do three things for him: help with the control, help him recognize the need to go during the night, and help expand the bladder adequately. What ISN'T helpful for your child is the guilt or sense of punishment and admonition that comes from frustrated parents. What DOES help him is to treat it as normal. Perhaps the newer types of pull-ups would be helpful to him for awhile until it's under control. I would encourage you to find an HT who deals with children and with this problem. Children respond exceptionally well with hypnosis--and, since your child is frustrated with it as well, then he will probably make a good "candidate" for that type of treatment. Just as with adults, children have to want to change the situation.