Dealing with Parents

Question

     Sometimes I work with children, but I’m always uncomfortable with what to do with the parents.  I’m not sure how to handle them while I’m dealing with their child’s problems. Also, I don’t know how to respond to parents who want to be in the room while I’m working with children. 

Answer

     In my situation, I work in my home where the living room is quite near the counseling room. This allows parents to feel near, while waiting, comfortably.  I take the whole family to my counseling room, first, to show them where we'll be working, and to let them view an interview DVD which explains hypnosis.  Then we visit together, in the living room.  I first speak with the whole family, asking any questions the child would not necessarily know the answers to, such as medical history. I also explain, in front of the child, my attitude about total confidentiality whether I’m speaking with them, or with their child. Anything the child tells me or that we do together is confidential. The child may share anything with parents they wish; otherwise, I'll not be sharing anything unless the child has agreed that it will help him/her for me to do so

     Then, I take the child to the counseling room and introduce him or her to my magic boxes, which contain various little toys and other goodies.  I tell the child they can touch anything in the room they wish, and they can look at anything they wish.  If there is something in the magic boxes that they’d like to take home, they may choose something, while I talk to Mom and Dad for a few minutes, if that's okay with them (it usually is.) 

      I return to the living room area where I talk with the parents, asking what they feel the problems are that their child faces.  I also explain what I mean by hypnosis with children and about some of the methods I use.  I feel it puts the parents on my side by promising that I will keep them in the loop as much as I can while keeping the child's confidence.  I also tell the parents that the same confidentiality applies to whatever they tell me.  Taking this time with them, during the first visit, seems to put parents at ease, and it makes it easier to give  suggestions, later, as to how they can be helpful to the child at home.

     When you work with children, you are also “working” with the parent(s).  I have allowed parents to be in the same room when I work with the child, if the child insists or the parent does.  If it makes them feel more comfortable, it's okay with me - although the space I have now  is much smaller than it used to be. Usually, the child, by that time, knowing his or her  parents are nearby, seems quite content to be alone with me in my counseling room. I find that once the parents have been introduced to the space and I've spent some time just with them, they rarely desire to come into the counseling room with the child.

      I guess, what I'm saying, is that it's fine to be flexible, in any way that helps both parents and child be comfortable with the space and with you.